I will state right here and now that this rant is personally motivated. It involves several things that have happened to me over the years but was sparked by a fairly recent event. I will be airing my dirty laundry in public and the people involved probably won't like it very much. I don't care. This involves a larger issue that I
would like to bring to light and tackle. I'm not writing this for any one specific person... although it is my hope that the people involved will read this and understand the point I'm trying to make as well as those who aren't. I use personal example because there are no colorful metaphors or parables that will properly fit this. About two years ago I got into an argument with someone. It
was because my husband had apparently meefed off a fellow who had a grudge against him and caused said fellow to start trying to attack a Christian organization my husband ran by deliberately mistranslating his words and generally acting insulting. Feeling the urge to defend my husband, I went to him and asked him what his problem is... two hours later I found myself so angry that I was trembling and he was still slinging insults at me. Finally I had to leave... and just to
try and heal any damage I may have caused by speaking in anger I apologized for any words I had said in that anger that were inappropriate for a logical discussion. His words to me were "Peace! No hard feelings." I felt better... and then less than a day later I was looking over one of the bulletin boards that had contained his arguments and saw a new message from this person. In it
he had twisted my words to make me and my husband look bad, and told everyone about how I had 'attacked' him. It felt like someone had just driven a knife in my back. So what did it prove? He hadn't forgiven me. He'd simply said a few words that sounded nice and any honest person on the street would have taken at face value. Peace... no hard feelings. Recently it happened again. First, lemme tell you about what I was like as a teenager. I was a slug. I was a grubby little kid that didn't understand where money came from... whenever I needed it I stole it from my mom. I am truly sorry for these evils, but they'll never go away and I'll always have to bear the weight of it. When I got confirmed into Anglicanism part of my confirmation consisted of
confessing sins like this and I told my mother about what I had done. I asked for her forgiveness and thought I had gained it. Later, for unrelated reasons, I stopped talking to my mother. I'll spare you my reasons why, but they were justified I assure you. I'll simply say that by cutting off contact with her I dearly hoped that she would seek help for her problems. I got an e-mail postcard from her one day which read, "I forgave you when you stole from me, why can't you forgive me?" It sounds like an honest sentiment, doesn't it? It sounds like I should just leap out and call her right away, because SHE was good enough to forgive little old me.. yet I'm in the wrong because I won't forgive her... it's
amazing how sincere and sweet you can sound if you don't bother to consider what you're saying. You see... she HASN'T forgiven me. Why do I know this? Because if she had she would have put the incident behind her and not used it as ammunition to try and get me back. Because she was so quick to shove my sins in my face though meant that her absolution was nothing but empty words. words mean
nothing if your heart does not try to act upon them. Any man can tell someone that they forgive them and then slip a knife in their back as soon as its turned. Forgiveness is more than words, its actions. Now for the other half of the message... "Why can't you forgive me?" To find the answer for this I need to go back a few months to a letter she had sent me and my sister. The
letter covered issues that were almost twenty years old. Not once in there did she take responsibility for her actions, and always had an excuse for everything. Most of the events she spoke of in the letter were over 15 years old and had nothing to do with my present beef with her. There were no apologies, no requests for forgiveness, just excuses and pathetic justifications. Any Christian can
tell you that not even God can forgive you of a sin that you're not sorry for. So what am I supposed to forgive her for? Being blameless? Sinless? I cannot forgive what I have not been asked to forgive. I cannot absolve when someone is not repentant. Another part of forgiveness is penitence. When someone steals from me part of their act to apologize is usually to give me the
item stolen back, to repair the damage caused, or to trust my judgment and tell them what they can do to show me that they are sorry. Most of the time no act is needed, but sometimes it is. In my mother's case, I have asked her to go see a psychytrist... when she does I will speak to her again. that was about a year ago and no ground has been gained. There are three parts to forgiveness:
Admittance, penitence, and absolution. You cannot have any of these without the others. You have to admit what you have done, at least to yourself, you have to be sorry and attempt to heal the wounds you may have caused, and then and only then can you be forgiven. Anyone can claim to forgive someone... but anyone can claim they're a magical talking duck from the twelfth dimension as well. Words
are meaningless unless backed up by action. Along those lines, anyone can claim to be sorry for something, but it's easy to blurt out a lame "I'm sorry" and not mean it. In the end, it's the actions that follow that ultimately determine the sincerity of an apology or an absolution. Or as the old saying goes, faith without works is dead. -Genesis 08-99 BACK | 
